Written last night, on my phone, while sitting in the hallway outside Elsa's bedroom:
Mommy
Mama
Come back here!
I'm scared
I'm cold
I want to tell you sumpting
I want cold water
I want to put my robe on
I want to 'nuggle you.
It's 10:55pm and she's whimpering like crazy girl.
Her ploys are good- from authoritative demands to sad, sad requests.
Can you come in my bedroom?
Are you in the laundry room?
It started off great.
She fell asleep like a charm, alone in her bedroom (with lots of pep talks and reassurance- of course).
Then 10:30, or so, just as I was drifting off... it starts.
Hey mama.
Mama?
Mommy?
Big hiccups.
I know this works in the long run but I'm ready to skip forward a few days to the smoother sailing.
Now, I'm second guessing myself. Is this going to knock off all her little self confidence- because I don't rush to her when she sounds the saddest I've ever heard her?
I remember doing the tough love with my firstborn at 5 or 6 months.
It was absolute torture.
She was just pulling herself to standing in her crib then would get stranded and cry a terrified cry. She fought sleeping alone so hard, that she would fall asleep sitting up. I remember sobbing along with her, my heart racing, feeling sheer torture.
This time around I just feel sad.
So sad for that beautiful little baby who isn't giving up without a fight.
I'm here sweet girl.
Listening to your every move,
your every breath,
your every ploy,
your every whimper.
I'm doing this for both of us.
Because I love you so much sweet pea.
Postscript: Today she's her normal, self-assured little self. Funny how in the night you question yourself. Fingers crossed tonight is less than the 2 hour long crying of last night... But all in all it was not nearly as bad as it could have been. She fell asleep uneventfully, on her own, then cried off and on from 10:30pm until midnight. Then up two more times with only one crying session in there. She slept until 7am. Please let this work, please let this work, please let this work.
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