Funny how when you turn 40 you feel your time on earth more keenly.
Last night I dreamed that someone was squeezing the life out of me.
Someone was leaning over me and squeezing me.
I woke myself saying, "You're hurting me."
Mark was on shift.
I was alone in our big, big bed- roomy enough for one or four kids to crawl in with us.
I laid there with my heart racing
thinking I'd never go back to sleep.
Reminding myself that it was just a dream.
But it'd felt so real.
Today I learned that an acquaintance has breast cancer.
She's a vibrant, active, wonderful person.
It was the nudge I needed to make my mammogram appointment,
although I'm so super duper healthy I forgot (yet again) the name of my primary care physician.
Thank goodness my sweet friend who referred me to her always remembers for me (thank you Kristi!)
While I was at it I checked into when I need to go in for my next colonoscopy (August 15, 2015-insurance covers 5 year and one day after the last one which is different than most because my dad had colon cancer under age 60).
Then I stumbled across a blog that brought me to tears. Mundanefaithfulness. Wow.
I already feel like time is fleeting.
The years of having little people hanging on me and needing me 24 hours a day has diminished.
They're moderately self sufficient,
and yet I know how very fiercely I'm needed daily
by each and every one of my babies.
It makes it even more heartbreaking that there are mamas out there who won't get to be needed by their babies in each and every stage of their life.
Heck, I'm 40 and need my mom far more than I should admit.
This woman, Kara Tippetts' experiences remind me that I need to make a better effort to lead my children to enjoy a life of faithfulness.
We've never been very consistent about attending church although I consider myself a very religious person.
I'm raising my kids to consider God in many elements of their lives.
We've had countless discussions about God, Jesus, Heaven, Hell and everything in between.
And every night they remind me to say prayers if I'm not quick enough for them.
But I feel I need to lead them to a house of worship outside my own little view of faith.
I also know that I need to be more present in their lives.
I'm trying to cut back on computer/phone time.
Each day I find myself looking forward to bedtime when I can snuggle them each one on one and whisper how wonderful, fantastic, smart, funny, and kind they each are. I whisper that I love them. I whisper that I'm so very, very lucky God chose me to be their mama. And how proud I am to be their mama.
I am trying to remember to be grateful each and every day for the beautiful life I am so fortunate to enjoy.
